Aussie Article So what's the story behind Anal Blast? Why did you form the band, and who is in the line-up these days? "I was in desmoines, Iowa hanging with friends and my car broke down while coming home. I stayed and we started a joke grind band. We tried to rip off Anal Cunt and we created some weak death grind crap. It was fun so we stuck with it. The original lineup was Donny, Paul and Joey with myself. Those three were from Desmoines which is this gay city 250 miles from where I live in Minneapolis, Minnesota. We played 2 shows that way and then the drummer left the band. I then asked Nick if he would do a few gigs with us. He heard the stuff and said he would. Another guitarist named Shawn Jenson, a sick mother fucker, joined later. we played the Metalfest and a few shows like that." Nick Miller (ex-Kataklysm) was in the band, did he leave cos he is a big wimp who couldn't handle the Anal Blast chaos? "Moritzio from Kataklysm called for Nick's number and I hooked them up which killed the band for a while. When he got booted from Kataklysm he rejoined Anal Blast for a while but was fired by me for advanced faggotry. I do not talk to him at all. He would skip practice so he could get high, fuck him. The Iowa guys quit too. We've had almost 20 people in the band and I'm the only one who has been in all the lineups. I guess you could say I am Anal Blast. My new drummer is very brutal and fills the faggot Nick's shoes very well. My new lead is Randy Bird and we are currently trying to replace the bass and guitar who have been recently fired for being too queer." A lot of the songs on Vaginal Vempire also appeared on your demo. Did you change the songs much between the two recordings? "yes we did re-record most of the demo and very little was changed. I like the recording and cannot wait 'till we record again. I hope it fucking happens before I go to jail again. I'd really like to get out in the world for live shows. I wonder if Australian whores love anal sex as much as American whores. I like taking girls anal virginity - shoot shoot shoot a load on her poop poop poop." Have you been in any trouble from any overly moralistic groups for the album artwork for Vaginal Vempire? "We had a lot of trouble with the album - everything from printers refusing the job to CD factories saying no. It took a year to put out the CD. Lesbian groups hate us and where we live the queer community is real big. The fat dyke bitches think they can do anything to shut me up - they best lay down and sopen that stink hole which is their only redeeming quality, fat fucking cunts. Anyway when it finally came out in May of '98 we moved over 3000 copies in '98. I was very happy." Why did you choose Cradle of Filth to take to the piss out of? Ooohhhhh, hahaha. Cradle of Filth likes the CD and has signed my copy when they did an autograph session at my store in Chicago, IL in the United States of Americunt. Cradle of Filth just seemed to be the best thing to bash on. Pissing on big bands as a joke is cool and they are very big and deathmetal and grind kids hate them. They were cool about it, I know them a little. I book the Milwaukee Metalfest and their first American show was booked by us." There seem to be fragments of old Slayer classics mixed into your songs, are you a big fan of old Slayer stuff? What do you think of Slayer now? "Yea, Slayer was the shit back when I was a kid. I;ve been listening to them for 15 years. The spoof on Slayer was all in fun. Few old bands in the scene have stayed strong, most are so gay I should fuck them like the bitches they are. Slayer still beats out the oldies but the new shit is of course a large pile of faggotry. Saving Slayer's ass in my mind is the fact that they play only old shit live. They still brutalize a little." Where did you get the picture for the cover? Do you know those two women personally? more importantly, have you invaded their anal cavities? "My art kid got it off the net. I've never seen them in person but if I did the girl being sucked would have her pussy eaten by me for hours. I would wrap my arms around her stomach and eat and eat and eat her. Cunt spasms would cause her to fly off the mattress repeatedly and I would imprison her with my whiskers in her bleeding hole, my tongue on her clit and my fingers in her ass. She would bend over and say lovingly, 'Fuck my ass, make it bleed.' fucking whore." Is that your own cum covering the face of that chick in the picture which apperas on the inside of the Vaginal Vempire cover? "Hahaha. My cum is pretty but I have never spunked on an oriental. A nice Decker cum shot in the next album would be great. Wow, to know that thousands of people will see my cum - maybe that would make up for all the times that I was too drunk to keep a boner or I threw the cunt out of te house before she realised the superior powers of my cock." Under what conditions do you write Anal Blast songs? Do you have to be drunk as all fuck while watching heaps of porno flicks to get in the song writing mood? "I do watch lots of porn, like my new German shit eating porn where the guy shits in the whores hand and she sucks it like a cock, then vomits on it and sucks it again, then the guy sucks it. earlier in the flick he smeared corpse paint like stripes on his face, hahaha, fucking poofter. When I write the lyrics I'm always inspired easily. You see women have so many pathetic traits to bash on that booze is not needed, but it's always there so I write what I see. All my lyrics are true stories or they are fantasies of mine. Women are good 'cause they are my only source of menstrual blood. This girl was here recently smearing her blood all over her body. She was so beautiful, I love her but not sexually. She is like a goddess of cunt blood. she rules though I don't fuck her because I don't want to destroy my respect for her. I fear that most women are as pigs for slaughter in my mind." If you could choose any porn star to make a film with, who would it be and why? "What's her fucking pig bitch name, Jennine Lindenmeuller? She only fucks whores in the movies, she never gets those 2 foot black cocks stuffed up in her cunt. She seems to be a clean whore, but Jack Koshick has hired that cunt from Gang Bang 2 to MC the New Jersey Metalfest we're doing. She fucked 301 guys in 1 day and then fucked her boyfriend that night hahaha. What a whore pig fucker there hahaha. she is an anal candidate for sure. My cock sees no cunt that is suspected of having more than 1000 cocks up that hole, fat pig bitch whore, hahaha." Describe a film scene in detail with yourself and that porn star. "You cunt, hahaha. What a dick, now you're making me fanatacise. she enters the room wearing stiletto heels, long leggings of silk, a tight black leather mini skirt and a titty tee. She's come in from the cold, her nipples stand erect. I look longingly at her body and I say, 'Go get me some beer, cunt.' She obeys and returns moments later. she bats her eyes at me in her gas ass homo female bitch way of telling me she wants the little white weasel stuffed in her blood hole. I drink the beer, spit a little of it on her smelly hole and suck her like the goddess that the cunt probably thinks she is through many orgasms. she pisses on my face and bed, not I'm excited. I wipe her urine from my eyes and pull out my weapon and slide it gently inside her orifice. Taking time to note that she was not bleeding and was stressed a little, but not too much, I pump for a while but become bored knowing she does not like anal sex. I get her in the doggy style, but she says, 'No, I really hate that, it hurts and I always sit on the toilet for half an hour' and I think 'Wow, a way of getting out of pillow talk and right to sleep.' I pry at her ass, only wetness on my penis and a little drip from her hole from the fucking and licking but relatively dry none the less. I shove slow and she tries to crawl away but I keep a firm grasp of her saddle bag ridden hips. I achieve my goal. I stop, I smile and I pound as hard as I can. It seemed only seconds to me but to her, and eternal hell. I rub my spunking dick on her ass and she runs to the toilet to the sound of my laughter. Then I jerk off until I fall asleep with the knowledge that her cunt is not bleeding but her ass is, hahaha." Have Anal Blast played live a lot? do you get female fans throwing blood soaked underwear and other shit at you? If not, would you like that sort of thing to happen? "We've played about 30 shows, but we are doing a lot more of that. As far as blood soaked panties go, not a lot of that has happened. Of course it would rule but people throw tampons, bras, maxi pads, glasses and rocks. I think the whores throw that shit. It must be them because they can't hit me and I'm really big and fat, fucking pig hole bitches. I do get a lot of seriously deranged cunts now and I like taht. If they can't suck their own menstruation then they should not be allowed to breathe." What would be your top five uses for used tampons? (Not including a tea bag!) "I think the best thing I've seen with a tampon is this nice bitch pinned my head under her leg and rubbed her hot clit with her tampon. It ws a mind bending experience for me. I'm a better man for the having when pig holes do that, it really turns me on big time, makes me want to please them rather than hurt them, ya know? There is no god, there is not love and there is no truth to the rumour that being nice to the cunts will get you more puss in your diet. I think I won the war on New Years, I converted a used tampon into mistletoe, the shit that you hang to mooch kisses from pig holes - tampon mistletoe, hahaha. I wore panties to the grocery the other day. I felt very gay." What do Menstrual Pancakes taste like? "I've never really fried cunt blood yet but now that you bring it up I'll deal with that one the next time I get a bitch willing to bleed for me, hahaha, cunts." Is the song 'Crimson Smell' based on a personal experience? "Crimson Smell is a fantasy and it's the first song that Anal Blast ever wrote. The lyrics are a wish about this 15 year old from Desmoines and I'll say no more." Why is a woman's arse better/worse than her cunt? "Cunt is good for blood, ass is good for pain. Most of them hate that but you know you've got a good girl if they like it, hahaha. I think that anal virginity is the best thing a woman has to offer, it's the last piece of their purity, hahaha. Like they had any to start with..." What songs have you come up with so far for the next Anal Blast release? "Well, we have She Eats Her Tampons Out Of My Shit, Poop Eater, Cunt Sores, Battered Bleeding Bitch, Suffocation By Fat, Church Rush, Ass Hammer and Suck Shit Like Cock. I think they're good family value songs." Any Messages for your Australian fans? "We really do appreciate all the support and we hope to have the opportunity to rape and beat all your bitches when we're there. I'd like and Australian sex offender file, that would be cool. Assuming that after reading this you're still a fan look for the new cd coming out in May called Cramp Vacuum, hahaha. That is the gayest title. If you think that's kinda poofy write and tell me. Stay cool and don't let cunts run your life and if you are a cunt I have one thing to say to you - mail me your used tampons! All hail the all seeing, all knowing menstrual blood!!"